Stupid Land

It’s always the last of the Killer Vs that’ll jump up and bite you.

The ‘Killer Vs’ is my way of sorting out all those various and vague elements that come together to form the specific wine in your glass. Some people liken these elements to the sections of a symphony orchestra. Some dry old dull people just refer to them as simply what they are.

But it’s my blog, so I’ll stick with the Killer Vs.

The first V: Vineyard. Where the grape is grown. What kind of soil. Climate. Micro-climate. Even within a vineyard, specific blocks or rows can determine flavor and structure.

Ancillary to V 1 is V 2: Variety. The right grape planted in the right place. Is Napa Valley the best place to grow Pinot Noir? No. How about Gevrey-Chambertin? O yes. And is the Willamette Valley the right place for Cabernet Sauvignon? Hahahahaha!

V three: Vintner. What the winemaker does once the grapes are in. Gussy it up with a lot of oak. No oak. Oak chips? Move flavors around with different yeasts. Extended maceration? Make a rosé. Manipulation, in short.

V 4: CuVée; okay, I’m cheating here. Although cuvée doesn’t precisely mean blend, it has, in the wine world, taken on that connotation. If you have 40 barrels of Pinot Noir, do you lump them altogether in one big galumphing wine, or make separate lots? Like the Winemaker’s Cuvée, or my Cat’s Cuvée?

V 5: Ven to pick; Or, we could use the French ‘Vendange’, but ver’s the fun in that? When to pick is especially important in a marginal climate like Oregon’s Willamette Valley. The last two harvests, 2007 and 2008, are perfect examples. If you panicked and picked early, you’re sunk. If you waited too long, you may have lost everything. I’m not saying either of these were ‘bad’ vintages. Challenging.

Which brings us to the last of the Killer Vs: Vintage. Not just in terms of, “o 1999 was a great vintage,” or “2006 was a ‘big’ vintage,” but for the consumer, how old is the wine? And is that good or bad? A year old Beaujolais Nouveau is over the hill. While a 20-year-old Bordeaux might not be ready to drink yet

But it’s especially important with white wines. A recent foray into Stupid Land by yours truly will serve as a cautionary tale. I spied at my local Fred’s the Jewell Collection, 2004 Un-Oaked Monterey Chardonnay, $5.99. Woo-hoo! I cried, a no oak Chardonnay for six- bucks. I bought it. Or fell for it.

Then I tasted. It was dull, flat, tired, and slightly oxidized. I grabbed the bottle by the throat and to my horror noted the vintage, 2004. That’s over the hill for California Chardonnay.

Lesson learned. Beware the Killer Vs.